Krenek’s Kernels (of Wisdom, of Sports, of Life and Love)

Posted: October 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

Apparently, I need to write more. I don’t say this in the “PEOPLE REALLY HAVE BEEN ASKING ME WHY I DON’T BLOG?!?!?” sense, or even in the “I HAVE SO MANY GOOD, SALIENT THOUGHTS THAT I SIMPLY MUST SHARE WITH THE INTERNET COMMUNITY!!!” sense. I mean it purely in the “My job requires it” sense. So to the delight of no one, I’ve dusted off the old keyboard and hath returned to the world of self-indulgent sports blogging!!! I’ve decided that I’m going to write short snippets about various things and call them “Krenek’s Kernels”. Why? Two reasons. 1. Its MUCH easier than stringing together astute paragraphs and 2. If it someday were to catch on and I became famous via this blog, when I die headlines can be titled “THE KERNEL HAS FINALLY POPPED!”


-While its SOOOO 2011 to not care about the World Series, its been fairly badass so far. Albert Pujols’ 3 HR performance in Game 3 earned him the nauseatingly overused nickname “Senor Octubre.” He’s Dominican. He speaks Spanish. “Senor Octubre” is Spanish for “Mr. October.” In no way shape or form is this clever. Let’s just call him what he is…Mr. One Of The Greatest Right Handed Hitters to Ever Play The Game. Although I wish a German-born player would do something similar, just so I could harshly call him “HERR OKTOBER!”

-Speaking of Albert and speaking of the Texas Rangers, has anyone perhaps entertained the thought of Mr. Pujols’ address being at Arlington next season? They could let someone else GROSSLY overpay CJ Wilson, ship Michael Young to the Philadelphia Phillies (Vance Worley, among others, in return?), and then let the Big Fella make himself at home at 1B. As a Mariner fan, the thought of navigating through an order of Andrus/Kinsler/Pujols/Hamilton/Cruz/Napoli/Murphy/Moreland makes me weep bitter tears.

-In other World Series news, Zooey Deschanel is singing the National Anthem tonight, and doing so BEAUTIFULLY. But what doesn’t she do beautifully? I must that, marketing her as  a “ACCESSIBLE TO YOU VIDEO GAME LOVIN’ NERDS” sex symbol is wholly unfair. I’ve been to midnight video game releases. The girls there don’t look like Zooey Deschanel. They look like me.

-Tony LaRussa is a fantastic manager. He MAY be the best of all time. But he’s undoubtedly the best who looks like a storybook witch of all time.

-This spot was reserved for a “George W. Bush throws out the first pitch” joke, but my brain started to melt when I heard the conquering hero’s reception he got, so we’re going to transition to football.

-I’ve heaped a lot of praise on Cam Newton over the past calender year, most of it due to my latent romantic feelings towards him. But I don’t think anyone expected him to be this good, this quick. He had a GLORIOUS bounceback (18/23, 256 yds, 1 TD, 0 INTs) from his worst start of the year against a Washington team that has been fairly effective against the pass. My crystal ball tells me they’ll be appearing in the role of Playoff Spoiler down the stretch, and with the right kind of draft, the role of Surprise Playoff Contender next year.

-So the Broncos started a new QB today! ESPN was so wrapped up in Whitehurst Mania (more on him later) that they hardly reported it, but being the professional that I am, I dug deep and discovered it! Its officially Tebow Time and with that, Tebow Media Conundrum Time (MUCH less catchy, MUCH more apt.) The conundrum, in a nutshell, is this: No one will just let this thing play out. No one. The Tebow lovers are ready to crank out their “WINNER/WORK HARD/HEART/HUSTLE/NEVER SAY DIE” tweets/statuses/blogs/et alli. The Tebow haters have their “NOT HARD TO BEAT THE DOLPHINS/PLAYED LIKE CRAP/GOT LUCKY” ones to retort with. The truth, as it oft does, exists in the middle. He DID play very poorly for the majority of the game…like wet garbage at some points. But he made the plays at the end of the game to score 15 unanswered points and send the game into OT, an OT period that Denver was able to win in. Granted, the Dolphins being awful at most things, including covering onside kicks, knowing the painfully obvious (Ray Charles knew the QB draw was coming for the 2 pt conversion. And he’s blind. And dead. And not a defensive coordinator.), and holding on to the ball in enemy territory during a Sudden Death period helped matters. But again, he made the plays he needed to make to win the game. My problem is that is just can’t be that. Most people will claim that they were right after today, haters and lovers alike. Nothing has been answered yet, and the only way anything can be answered is by letting the kid play his career out. But we just can’t do that, can we American Sports Fan?

– Now here’s my TOTALLY hypocritical prediction for the rest of Tim Tebow’s career!!!!!! Vince Young, without the bats in the belfry. Haters will point to his statistics and mechanics. Lovers will point to his tendency to make late games plays to either win or nearly win.

-Seahawks/Browns had to be one of the worst games in the history of forward pass era football. If someone tells you they liked it because it reminded them of GOOD OL’ FASHIONED FOOTBALL, A ROUGH N’ TUMBLE TRENCH WAR, inject them with polio and deny them the cure, seeing as they love the good ol’ days so much.

-Perhaps after 7 weeks, Ol’ Prison Strong Plaxico Burress has found his swagger in the Jet offense. No one is asking the guy to be 100+ yard field stretcher, but if he’s going to be a legit red zone target (3 TDs today), rumors of the Jets demise may have been a touch premature. Either way, mega-important win for the Jets.

-Any chance Jason Campbell felt KINDA happy over the putrid performance for the Raiders QB position today? 6 picks? (3 from Boller, 3 from Palmer) No TDs? Being shutout by a Chiefs team that some considered to be the worst in football??!?!??! If someone hasn’t already photoshopped a Jason Campbell “Miss Me Yet?” poster, I’m disappointed in the internet. In Carson’s defense, he was in no way ready to play today, and looked completely out of sync. Not just with the team, but with the sport in general. In Kyle’s defense, he’s one of the worst QBs in the league. They get the bye to regroup before playing host to the Vatican’s favorite team, but Raider Nation is a Sad Nation today. Although, when ISN’T a large group of adult men who dress like the disturbing threesome love children of Hawk, Animal, and the Ultimate Warrior kinda sad?

– I’m not one for cleverness, so here’s Week 7’s “All-You Played Good In the Afternoon Games” Team:

QB: Cam Newton, CAR

RB: DeMarco Murray, DAL

WR: Greg Jennings, GB

-And here’s Week 7’s “All-You Played Bad In the Afternoon Games” Team:

QB: Matt Hasselbeck, TEN

RB: Chris Johnson, TEN

WR: The Tennessee Wide Receivers, TEN

-Can you guess I was disappointed in Tennessee? Disgusting performance. But a HUGE character win for the reeling Texans. The Titans were coming off a bye. The Texans were coming off back to back losses, one emotionally draining, one physically draining. The Titans were home. The Texans were on the road for the 2nd straight week. The final score was 41-7. Context clues tell me the Titans had the 41. Context clues are NOT TO BE TRUSTED. The favorites in the AFC South still dwell in Houston.

-Aaron Rodgers is pretty good.

-Games in London are pretty bad.

-Two games, Four teams I still know nothing about: Falcons over Lions, Bears over Bucs. I COULD try to break these teams down, but I’d be wrong and look stupid. So what’s the point?

-From the Files of The Obvious this week: Pittsburgh is a lot better than Arizona, Dallas is a lot better than St. Louis. Both of the victors will need to do a little more for me to buy into them 100%, but I can’t quibble with their performances today.

-Boy I LOVE finding an excuse to use quibble!

-Monday Night Football Prediction: Ravens: A Lot Jaguars: A Little

Hope you enjoyed reading this at least a TOUCH more than I enjoyed writing it. Until the next time, this is Mike Krenek reminding you that if you were in a heavily wooded area today, remember to check yourself for ticks.


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